Stupid Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
That's the only time I have to work on my hair.

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
The shoplifter special?

On a bar of Dial soap -- Directions: Use like regular soap.
And that would be?

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- Serving suggestion: Defrost.
But it's just a suggestion.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- Do not turn upside down.
Well ... duh, a bit late, huh!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- Product will be hot after heating.
And you thought?

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- Do not iron clothes on body.
But wouldn't this save me time?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- Warning: May cause drowsiness.
I'm taking this because?

On most brands of Christmas lights -- For indoor or outdoor use only.
As opposed to what?

On a Japanese food processor -- Not to be used for the other use.
Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- Warning: contains nuts.
Talk about a news flash!

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
Step 3: say what?

On a child's Superman costume -- Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.

On a Swedish chainsaw -- Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Oh my gosh! Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?