Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says --No, really?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers --Now that's taking things a bit far!
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? --Not if I wipe thoroughly!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over --What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death --No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant --See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace --I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile --You think?
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures --Who would have thought!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide --They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges --You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge --he probably IS the battery charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group --Weren't they big enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft --That's what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks --Taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half --now that's magic!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors --Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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