What If?

When people get to their later year, conversations have a way of becoming "what if?"
Here's a sample of one of those conversations:

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "Oh Shit!"

Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now. You're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong?
What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!
Put on the brakes .. it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!!

You MAKE IT to 60.
You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards ...
"I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Another -plane crashing down- joke

A plane carrying 5 passenger and 2 pilots is about to crash. The pilots grab their parachutes and just off the plane, but not before telling the passenger to do the same. Un fortunatly there were only 4 more parachutes on the plane.

The first passenger says: "i am Ronaldo, the best football player in the world. The football world needs me, and I cannot die on my fans" He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane>

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says: "I am the wife of the former president of the United States; I am the senator of New York and I have a good chance of being president of the United States in the future." She grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane.

The third passeger, George W. Bush, says: "I am the presindent of the United States of America. I have huge resposibilities in the world. Besides, I am the smartest president in the history of my country and can't shun the resposibility to my people by dying." He grabs a pask and jumps off the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a young school boy: "I am old. I have lived my life as a good person as a priest should and do I shall leave the last parachute to you; you have the rest of your life ahead of you."

To this the boy says: "Don't fret old man... There is a parachute for each of us! The smartest president of America took my schoolback...."

Willie Nelson Statement

Willie Nelson was recently arrested for having a bag of marijuana on his tour bus. The cops found the marijuana while giving the driver a ticket for a traffic violation.

To which Willie stated:

"It's a good thing I had a bag of marijuana instead of a bag of Spinach. I'd be dead by now."

Cat, mice and "Ruff!"

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!"

The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"