Borrowed from Maria Menounos

This joke was told my Maria Menounos for June's Esquire Magazine.
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Joe and his buddy Frank visit a brothel. Joe goes into the room with the prostitute first while Frank waits outside. When he's done, Joe closes the door behind him and says. "Don't waste your time man. My wife's better."

But Frank goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minuter later, He shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Damn, Joe, you were right. Your wife is better."

~~~~~
Great Girl! Joke?

Chance goes out in flames

A girl I had asked out suggested that I accompany her to her family picnic. I agreed to go, picked her up that Saturday and took her to the park where the festivities were set to take place. All was going well when her six-year-old niece started yelling that something was wrong with the dog. We inspested the dog and found that a tick had burrowed into its fur. I went ot my car to get some rubbing alcohol to rub on the tick. I'd heard this would make the booldsucker come out on its own, and if it worked, I'd wind up looking like a hero. When I applied the alcohol, however, the tick stayed put. Someone then suggested I light a match, blow it out and press it on the tick to force it to come out. I did as I was instructed, but apparently the alcohol hadn't thoroughly dried. The second I touched the hot match to the dog, the little mutt burst into a fireball. The flaming critter took off, barking wildly and running aroung the park, while 30 screaming people chased after it. Not surprisingly, my hopes of getting a second date were completely dashed.

What's your secret? What?

It's a cold winter day, and an old man walks out onto the frozen lake,cuts a hole in the ice, drop in his fishing line and waits patientlyfor a bite. He's there for almost an hour, without even a nibble,when a young boy walks out onto the ice and cuts a hole next to him.The boy drops in his line and minutes later hooks a largepickerel. Very quickly, he pulls in another large catch. Afterwatching the process repeat itself a few more times, the old man can'ttake it any longer.
"Son, you've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half-dozen fish! How do you do it?"

The boy responds , "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

"What was that?" the old man asks.

"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm," says the boy.

"Look," says the old man, I can't understand a word you're saying."

Annoyed, the boy spits a pile of squirming worms into his hand and says, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

Story - Change goes out in flames

A girl I had asked out suggested that I accompany her to her family picnic. I agreed togo, pickerd her up that Saturday and took her to the park where thefestivities were set to take place. All was going well when hersix-year-old niece started yelling that something was wrong with thedog. We inspested the dog and found that a tick had burrowed intoits fur. I went ot my car to get some rubbing alcohol to rub onthe tick. I'd heard this would make the booldsucker come out onits own, and if it worked , I'd wind up looking like a hero. WhenI applied the alcohol, however, the tick stayed put. Someone thensuggested I light a match, blow it out and press it on the tick toforce it to come out. I did as I was instructed, but apparentlythe alcohol hadn't thoroughly dried. The second I touched the hot matchto the dog, the little mutt burst into a fireball. The flamingcritter took off, berking wildly and running aroung the park, while 30 screaming people chased after it. Not surprisingly, my hopes ofgetting a second date were completely dashed.